Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Disheartened: depress, ruin one's hopes

So, I started this entry last week...

"I try my hardest to always be positive and be a happy camper.  And for the most part, I succeed, but right now, I feel the need to maybe be a little on the down side (with a positive attitude of course).  Lets just cut to the chase (and not the love of my life, Chase), I had my heart set on something that I was really excited about.  Something that we had never had before and was so ready to make our own.  Our first house.  I loved it.  Chase warned me not to fall in love.  But I did.  It was one of those houses that right when you walked in the door, it just felt right.  It was warm, comfortable and cute as hell (if I ever see that man, the seller, I would love to punch him in the face)  But, everything happens for a reason, and the search must go on (a week before we have to be out of our apartment). So, I'm sure you are wondering, what are you guys going to do?  We're moving to Mom and Dad's!!!  I haven't lived in this house since I was 18.  That's 11 years.  I never thought I would live there again.  But, they have opened their arms and accepted me, Chase, Bella and Red to disrupt there schedules for a while.  This should be a very interesting time of my life.  And to be honest, I'm kind of excited.  It's like going home for Christmas, everyday."

... I saved this to finish later and ran out of time.  I'm happy I didn't publish it, cause yesterday we got some news that made me one happy girl.  Looks like the deal is back on to get our house!  The seller has changed his mind. Hallelujah!  I think when God realized how much we wanted this house, he couldn't help but let us have it. Although, I refuse to get too excited since closing is still a week away and you never know what could happen.  What a freaking roller coaster.  Last week I was on the verge of crying everyday and probably drank way to much wine than needed.  A serious funk.  But now it's all puppies and kittens, happy as a clam.  Just keeping all possible appendages crossed that this works out.  So needless to say, these next two weeks are going to be a little crazy, possibly hell, but then on to a fabulous future with my soon to be husband in our soon to be home.  With a yard.  And a pool.  And 2 closets :)
I think this entry should be renamed "Heartened: to raise one's spirits" it's a little more positive anyway. 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Bella: Italian and Latin origin, and the meaning of Bella is "beautiful

Last night, I got ready for bed, said good night to Chase, and gave Bella the secret motion that I was going to bed.  Chase doesn't want the dogs on the bed, which I totally understand because she does shed, but I always try :)  The secret motion is a simple little hand motion that signals her to "come on" at her own pace, of course.  She usually waits till I get the lights off, alarm set and all tucked in.  I leave the door cracked so I can see Chase in the living room and Bella on her dog bed.  Then, the smooth attack is on.  I see her slowly stand up, get a good long stretch in, yawn, look around and slowly make her way to my room.  She's gotten so good at it, most of the time Chase doesn't even notice.  Bella is by far the best snuggler ever.  She lays in front of me so I can get a good bear hug spoon on her, under the covers, head on pillow.  I usually hold her little paw like I'm holding her hand. 
But last night, I'm not sure what got into me, but I had a little break down.  I started thinking about how much I love my Bella so much, that I don't ever want to lose her.  We've had family pets that we've had to put down and of course I was sad, but Bella is going to be a whole different story.  I honestly think I'm going to be out of commission for a long period of time.  Possibly, some counseling.  I've had my little bundle of joy for almost 7 years and apparently the life expectancy for boxers is 9-11 years.  (I cant even say that without tearing up)  Ive thought about cloning her, but I don't really think it'd be the same.  Ive told some clients that I might have her stuffed and put her next to my bedside, but they thought that was just weird...?  I don't even know why I started to think about all this, but I just started crying.  And not crying where you tear up for a second and get a lump in your throat, I full on cried, in bed, in the dark, spooning Bella. It may sound crazy to some who aren't dog people, but I honestly don't see her as a dog.  She's like a little person.  She sits like a person, knows how to ask for things she wants, knows how to tell me when she goes outside and even knows when Chase is on his way home and stares out the window.  If she wants more food, she puts her paw in her food bowl and drags it over to where ever I am sitting and just stares at me.  The girl gets it.
She's even been through 12 moves, all over Dallas and Austin. Through some of my toughest times in life, she was the shoulder I cried on.  Sometimes it's kind of nice to have some one to listen, who doesn't talk back.  Ive honestly thought about making her my maid of honor in our wedding, just sayin.

So, while I'm in the midst of my emotional melt down, Chase came in and turned on the light.  He instantly noticed I was being a crazy, so he came and sat beside us as I explained the drama.  Drama, that really had no rhyme or reason.  Its not like Bella's even showing any signs of old age.  But, he was awesome.  He  told me all the things he loved about Bella and how she truly is unlike any other pup out there. We talked about how much everyone that meets her loves her to death.  We talked about how amazing of a life she has and how much her Grandparents love her and spoil the crap out of her (and how my Father feeds her things shes not supposed to have, like Cheetos, bacon, brauts, cookies and God only knows what else). He stayed with us until I fell asleep and totally calmed me down, without making me realize how incredibly silly I was being :) 

I woke up, a few hours later and Bella had all 4's in my back, snoring louder than hell.  So I sent her packing. The things I do for her...

I love you with all my heart Bella, Bella Bean, Beanie, Beaner, Beaner Wiener, AnnaBella, Bells, Mommas...

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Exaggerated: represent something as being larger, greater, better, or worse than it really is.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.  My first official blog.  I never really understood what a blog was.  And here I am, blogging.  Maybe to kill time, maybe to document my life, or maybe because I really enjoy hearing myself talk.  I really dug deep to find a title for my little memoir.  Exaggerated is fantastical.  I know I exaggerate probably 99% of the time (which is an exaggeration), but I also feel that it is a sense of sarcasm.  Humor, a way to fluff the story a little.  No one likes a boring story teller.  So, on to the good stuff.  I really told myself that this was the time that maybe blogging would be of importance.  I'm going through the times of my life that will rush by me and I will seriously stop one day and think, "Where did time go?"  Chase and I are engaged, buying a house, planning a wedding, and then God knows whats next.  Kids, you already thought it.  If you have known me for a long time, you know Ive always said, "I don't know if I want kids".  The reason being... They scare the shit out of me.  Think about it, they are forever.  I had never been around kids. Never had little rug rats at Christmas or smaller siblings.  I was the only kid.  But, then something crazy happens.  You meet a person you fall incredibly in love with and all you can think about is, Holy crap, we are going to have some amazing kids.  They say when you find him, you know.  I totally get it.  Ive never been so excited about so many scary life changing events as I am with Chase.  Which is why I want to document the journey. First entry, done.